In a lame attempt at taking a bite out of the soy industry, the dairy industry is calling on the government to stop allowing producers of soy, almond, and other nondairy milks from calling their products milk. This whiny, tell-the-teacher playground tactic is likely in response to the growing use of people refusing to use milk in their products—and rightly so; in some areas of the world up to 90% of the people have milk intolerance, which makes perfect sense. Milk, after all, comes from cows (typically) and is, therefore, intended for baby cows.

Humans are the only species who continue to drink milk beyond infancy—let alone milk from another species, which you have to admit sounds weird when you put it that way—and milk itself is intended for a species that grows to an immense size in a few short months, not humans who already have an obesity epidemic on their hands as it is.

Doesn’t this tactic seem—well, a bit childish? I know we’ve called coconut milk and soy milk by those names since I was a child, so they’ve been around for at least a few decades without the dairy industry getting its panties in a twist. Soy milk is, after all, an approved milk alternative for infants who cannot have cow’s milk or human breast milk for some reason. And, as the Good Human points out, 90 to 100% of Asians and 50% of Hispanics are lactose intolerant, meaning that if these populations—rapidly growing in the United States—are to have milk at all, it isn’t going to be from a dairy source. In fact, the industry might do well to instead think of alternatives that they can sell to help provide these groups with their nutritional needs.

The article also points out that fortified soy milk has 10% more calcium than cow’s milk, though you wouldn’t know it from those obnoxious milk mustache ads. And the most laughable item of interest in this that I found was that the National Milk Producers Federation insists that to be called a milk product, something needs to see the inside of a barn. Yes, we all know that the friendly, well-ventilated “Farmer in the Dell” fairyland known as the factory farm is indeed the “barn” that we all were trained to idolize as children! A spokesperson also says—in another super ironic point—that products that claim to be milk are inferior and not as nutritional as “real” milk. Now that’s something that we can’t argue with! Oh, wait, we can, because the facts are, like, the opposite or something.